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[27 Nov 2006|08:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 almost relieved |
] |
So.
1 week of classes.
3 papers.
5 exams.
Then it's over. At least for a while.
I'd just like to say I appreciate everything that everyone did for me these last few months. It was easier in some ways, and harder in others. So anyhow, I appreciate it.
And also, thanks to everyone who fucked me over. If you think I really meant that, then you are delusional.
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[14 Nov 2006|06:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 discontent |
] |
Ok.
I'll be completely honest.
It bothers me when people don't call me back.
I'm not talking about once or twice. I'm talking every single time I call or text or IM.
Are you trying to be subtle? Because yeah. It's not.
I'm not saying I've never done it, because I have. But that was before. It kinda changes things when you're on the receiving end.
If you would rather never speak to me again, I can handle you being an adult and saying it outloud, whether to my face or on the phone, instead of ignoring it, and me.
If you're having problems, you can say that too. I'll either listen to them, or say, ok, well, hope it all works out.
I won't freak out like I might have 3 years ago. I'm not the same person I was then. I'm not the same person I was 3 minutes ago.
If you think this is me trying to cause drama, it's not my issue. I don't force people to read this, or put out a broadcast advertising my thoughts. You can take it for exactly what it is, point blank, or you can make more of it; that's on you.
I got that out. Now I can leave it behind me.
Call me a hypocrite if you want. Call me a prima donna, or an attention-seeker. I'm not out to control what you think, or to try and manipulate it. I don't have time for that anymore.
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[12 Nov 2006|11:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Christmas-y |
] |
There are approximately 760 calories in a pint of eggnog.
I love absolutely every one of them.
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[07 Nov 2006|09:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 upset |
] |
Did I do something to you people? I'm not really sure what's going on.
If I did, then go ahead and say something, instead of fucking around.
This whole thing is really starting to take a toll on me.
I don't know what to do. Do I just stop trying, leave it all alone, and just move on? Or do I give it yet another try? I don't know.
This is one reason I am leaving. Not because of this directly, but because I try to change things, and I can't, not here. There, I can do things differently, and I won't have all past following me around.
I really hate giving up. But it looks like that's what I am doing.
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[02 Nov 2006|11:25pm] |
Fuck it. I'm done.
It's one of those things where you know it's not good for you, and you know it's over, but you just can't let go.
But I can't do it. It bothers me and upsets me and hurts me.
So I'm done with you.
And you.
And you.
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[22 Sep 2006|07:33am] |
Apparently, I was closing the drawers of my dresser too loud today.
What.
A.
Shock.
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[18 Sep 2006|10:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
I don't understand why people can't just say what they want, what they feel.
Myself included.
I guess I'm not brave enough.
Is it better to be a coward and deal with this by myself, or to just say it and face what ever comes from it?
I let myself get into this mood, and damned if I know how to get back out.
Actually, I do know how, but I have no control over that.
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| No, I am not really... |
[16 Sep 2006|04:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
UM losing to Louisville |
] |
I would just like to say how appreciative I am of this weekend. Thanks ever so. I'll remember this for future reference.
I'm done.
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[12 Sep 2006|07:04pm] |
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I am not a freak. Actually, I am. But not in that way. So hah.
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[05 Sep 2006|11:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 um...right :) |
] |
Am I a freak for being like this? I'd like to think that's a no.
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[15 Aug 2006|12:28am] |
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I look back at things-clothes, people, actions, etc.-and I have to ask myself...what was I thinking?
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[24 Jul 2006|11:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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upset |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
:::silence::: |
] |
I'm sorry I ever called myself a party pooper.
I actually almost believed it. I might be boring. I can live with that.
But I'm not a party pooper.
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[22 May 2006|03:16pm] |
So...I don't remember Eau de Urine wafting through any of my daycares. Nor do I remember nearly sweating to death in the Center-of-the-Sun temperatures.
I certainly won't be sending my children there.
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[19 May 2006|03:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cranky |
] |
I really hate being optimistic sometimes.
Good thing I went out and spent all that money last night (Yes, that was intended to be sarcastic.)
Cheers.
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[18 May 2006|03:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
If you only knew what I am thinking...
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[18 Apr 2006|06:04pm] |
Apparently, I have to be fluent in French. If I can speak German, all the better.
Oh, and I have to take chemistry. Organic and inorganic. That's gonna be spectacular. I'm sure you all remember just how much I loved chemistry. About as much as I loved calc.
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[05 Mar 2006|10:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sucky |
] |
That was one of the most disappointing things I've done in a while. I didn't hate to do it, as I would have expected. But it really just...sucked. It sucked.
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| If you don't want to read about me being philosophical, then don't bother with this... |
[04 Mar 2006|11:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 just...relaxed... |
] |
I been writing this past week. A lot. And even though one thing completely fizzled out and the other consists of maybe 3 or 4 sentences right now, the fact is, I'm writing. And sketching. And doing things that make me happy. Even studying makes me happy. And that's saying something. No, I'm not crazy. God knows, I can be neurotic from time to time. But things are going well.
The past is just that, and I can't change that. What's done is done, and even if I never forget it, it's over. I'm different for it.
I'm making plans. Big plans. That sounds cocky as I reread it. Maybe it is. I haven't been arrogant or conceited about anything for a while, and I think maybe I'd like to have something worth being a pompous ass about again. Not that I really have to act the ass, but even just something to be proud of. Ask me my plans, and I'll tell you. I won't use them as a page filler.
This was kinda random. But I like it.
I've got one more week and then nothing but the beach and the ocean and sleeping.
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[25 Feb 2006|01:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 morose |
] |
I'd like to be able to do something really kick-ass, just something that's really standout, even if it's just for me, and...I don't even know.
I just feel...
...stuck. Old. Tired.
I don't sketch anymore; rarely do I do anything crafty-ish...and God, I can't even tell you the last time I wrote something. I sit here, and I just can't feel it anymore.
And then I have to wonder...if it's gone, what do I have left? Really?
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[24 Feb 2006|07:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
fuck |
] |
Why do I even fucking bother?
Why don't I just give up, right now?
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